I already love you

Dear Baby "T",

It is 8 PM here at home in Berkeley, and 6 AM where you are in Ethiopia.  I wonder what you are up to, and I think about you all the time.  I hope that someone is holding you and giving you a lot of attention.  I hope that someone is singing to you or telling you a story at night.  I hope that you are happy and loved, and that you are getting everything you need to grow.

Even though we have never been together, I already miss you.  Although paperwork has not been cleared, I already consider you my baby girl.  And even though I have never held you or looked into your eyes, I already love you.

-Mommy

Mother's Day is hard for me...

On this day last year, I was 5 months pregnant and counting the days until I would be lucky enough to become a mother.  Today, I am counting the days until I can see our 5-month old little girl waiting halfway around the world.  It's hard, but I am trying to remain positive and hopeful that this year will have a better outcome.  What a journey!

I know that there is also a mother in Ethiopia who had to give up such a precious little girl for her own reasons, which I respect no matter how sad it makes me that someone's life could be so hard they had to make that decision.  There is a place in my heart for this mother.

On this day, I also wish the best to my own mother, although our relationship isn't quite the traditional mother-daughter relationship of closeness and joy that I would hope for.  It has been a rough 10 years or so...and again I can only hope that it gets better.  I love my mother, with all my heart. She raised me with so much love and patience, I can only hope to be as awesome with my own little girl.  Sometimes - life gets the best of you, and no matter how strong you are, sometimes it isn't enough.  I hope she keeps fighting, I know that I will keep loving.  And I hope that she will be a loving presence in the life of her grand-daughter.  I hope that next Mother's Day, we can both be spending time with our little girls.  

Here's to Mother's Day 2013.